After the chaos of the first week, everything seemed to be going just fine. We settled into a nice routine — no alarm clock, no responsibilities, just us, every day. Dog walks, pool time, more dog walks. Finishing up little chores around the coach.
Kylie was figuring out how to cook a bunch of stuff in the microwave, including pasta. It's fuckin’ hot here in Florida right now — a heat dome is camped over the eastern seaboard. Cooking with gas makes the inside of the coach heat up fast. Motorhome air conditioners are good, but not that good — usually 19-26 degrees cooler than outside. So we do what we can to minimize heat: blinds down, reflective panels in the windows. And we were doing alright.
Then came *that* night.
Kylie began her kitchen adventure — steak, crab, and... broccoli. While broccoli isn’t my favorite, Kylie can usually make it somewhat edible. I’m on the couch, notice a fly, and grab my bug-a-salt. Then there’s three. I mention it to Kylie. “So what?” she says. Then six. Then a swarm. We were under full invasion.
The bug-a-salt runs out of ammo. Kylie abandons cooking and joins me with a dish towel. We whip, flick, and throw towels like lunatics, but the flies just keep coming. Kylie makes the call to go get fly spray. I stay behind, guarding the kitchen corridor like a bug-swatting sentry. It’s chaos. I’m winded. The dogs are confused. I accept defeat — we’re being overrun.
Kylie returns like a one-woman SWAT team, skidding into the parking spot and charging in with fly spray. I grab the dogs and evacuate. Outside, I find the breach: under the kitchen slide-out, a 2011-era flabby wiper seal is letting invaders through.
Kylie emerges with two empty cans of fly spray, looking like she just won a cage match. We sit, crack beers, and wait for the toxins to clear. Later, I venture inside: dead flies everywhere.
Debrief time. What was different? Steak and crab have been fine before. The only new variable? Broccoli. The RV smelled like a fart factory, and apparently, that’s fly catnip.
So now, by mutual decree: broccoli is banned from being cooked in the RV. Raw only. Cold and safe.