After the chaos of the first week, everything seemed to be going just fine. We settled into a nice routine, no alarm clock, no responsibilities, just us, every day. Dog walks, pool time, more dog walks. Finishing up little chores around the coach.
Kylie was figuring out how to cook a bunch of stuff in the microwave, including pasta. It's fuckin’ hot here in Florida right now, a heat dome is camped over the eastern seaboard. Cooking with gas makes the inside of the coach heat up fast. Motorhome air conditioners are good, but not that good, usually 19-26 degrees cooler than outside. So we do what we can to minimize heat: blinds down, reflective panels in the windows. And we were doing alright.
Then came *that* night.
Kylie began her kitchen adventure, steak, crab, and... broccoli. While broccoli isn’t my favorite, Kylie can usually make it somewhat edible. I’m on the couch, notice a fly, and grab my bug-a-salt. Then there’s three. I mention it to Kylie. “So what?” she says. Then six. Then a swarm. We were under full invasion.
The bug-a-salt runs out of ammo. Kylie abandons cooking and joins me with a dish towel. We whip, flick, and throw towels like lunatics, but the flies just keep coming. Kylie makes the call to go get fly spray. I stay behind, guarding the kitchen corridor like a bug-swatting sentry. It’s chaos. I’m winded. The dogs are confused. I accept defeat, we’re being overrun.
Kylie returns like a one-woman SWAT team, skidding into the parking spot and charging in with fly spray. I grab the dogs and evacuate. Outside, I find the breach: under the kitchen slide-out, a 2011-era flabby wiper seal is letting invaders through.
Kylie emerges with two empty cans of fly spray, looking like she just won a cage match. We sit, crack beers, and wait for the toxins to clear. Later, I venture inside: dead flies everywhere.
Debrief time. What was different? Steak and crab have been fine before. The only new variable? Broccoli. The RV smelled like a fart factory, and apparently, that’s fly catnip.
So now, by mutual decree: broccoli is banned from being cooked in the RV. Raw only. Cold and safe.